Malene Rydahl
Writer, Key note Speaker and Executive Coach
Author of the best-selling book “Happy as a Dane” (Heureux comme un Danois – Grasset) published in more than 12 languages all over the world
“…..I had many dreams, many things I wanted to do. One of my main values is staying true to myself and my dreams. I tell others as well, be careful of only looking at your dreams in the first degree, there are many ways you can touch that dream….”
Malene
Malene Rydahl is a writer, keynote speaker and executive coach. She is specialized in well-being and performance in companies inspired by the Danish leadership model. She was born in Denmark and has lived in Paris for more than 20 years. Malene Rydahl explores why Danish employees are some of the happiest in the world and how that leadership style directly impacts results financially in a positive way.
Malene Rydahl is the author of the best-selling book “Happy as a Dane” (Heureux comme un Danois – Grasset) published in more than 12 languages all over the world. The book was awarded the prize of the most optimistic book in 2014. She wrote a second book, “ Le bonheur sans illusions ” (The illusions of happiness), published in 2017 by Flammarion, which has been republished in paperback under the title “Les 5 pièges du bonheur” (J’ai Lu, 2018).
She gives lectures on the Danish leadership model at French school of politics and international relations Sciences Po Paris and prestigious business school HEC Executive Education, as well as INSEAD in Singapore as a TEDx speaker. Malene is from Denmark and lives in Paris.
Can you describe what your current role and activities?
In short, I am an author, a keynote speaker, consultant and executive coach. In short because, that being said, they are all linked; and I would not be a keynote speaker without the book. My main source of income comes from my keynotes and executive coaching. And next this, I am also the partner in my brother’s company, 3 vegan restaurants in Copenhagen, called 42 Raw.
Surely your career started somewhere else, and not as an author. Would you say now you have reached a career dream?
No, it was not a dream. My dream was to work in the hotel industry, my passion is hotels and travel. So, the first part of my career was to follow my passion. What I do today is more about purpose, it is a gratifying job and I feel fulfilled with what I do today. It is a completely different way of working. In my previous hotel role at Hyatt, I was working with passion and sometimes pinching my arm, asking myself if I am really getting paid to do that job. And that is similar today, but with different emotions. Its more meaningful, more purposeful. Today, when I teach or speak, afterwards, I get instant feedback, all the way to people hugging me, telling me that this made such a huge difference for them. That’s the main purpose for me today. Even with my books, I want to give something. What is quite interesting, I am not a natural writer, I don’t like writing. It’s a discipline for me to write.
That is interesting, please share more details on what you mean here.
At the time I wrote my first book, writing was the only way to transmit what I wanted to say. If I only shared verbally what I wanted to transmit, maybe during some dinner parties and elaborate why Denmark is one the happiest countries in the world, I would not reach as many people. The book today is still the essential starting point for transmitting knowledge to a broader group of people. And that’s what I did. And when I wrote my 2 other books, I took the same approach. I have to be so convinced that what I say matters, and then I accept to take up with the actual challenge of writing a book.
How long did it take you to write your first book?
The first book it took me 6 months all in all. I wrote it while I was working for Hyatt, during my summer holidays and on weekends. When you write your first book, you need some help, to structure it. So, I had some advice, and also help to correct my French, as I am not a native speaker. There is a difference between writing a book and speaking the language, no matter how fluent you are. The second book took me 1 year, and the third one, 6 months again.
Would you say that you are a better writer today?
I know more things about what works and what not. Yet, what is still the main challenge for me in regard to writing– I write books in which I put my own voice. And so, to a certain degree I expose myself, I always give something of myself and sometimes I hold back. The day I am at ease, is the day when I don’t hold back at all. But I’m not there yet.
Let’s go back in time – you mentioned earlier, hotels were your dream, so what did you originally want to be when you thought about a job?
I was an intuitive child and when I was 9 years old, I told my parents II wanted to be an ambassador. My parents always took me very seriously and explained to me that this means travel and maybe living in countries far away. Not sure about this anymore, I came back to my parents at 11 and said I want to work in hotels. And so, my later years with Hyatt, I was living my childhood dream. And another thing I wanted to do one day, was to move to Paris. So, I did that too.
I had many dreams, many things I wanted to do. One of my main values is staying true to myself and my dreams. I tell others as well, be careful of only looking at your dreams in the first degree, there are many ways you can touch that dream. If you dream to be a football player, maybe you can end up working in the football industry. I wanted to be an ambassador and ended up being a good will ambassador for Denmark. Because I wrote the book “Happy as a Dane”, I sort of stand out as an ambassador. Life is a lot about how you relate to what happens. Meaning playing around with our dreams and finding ways to touch them.
Thinking back, what were some impactful career milestones, those that really gave your career a twist a turn
When I said I wanted to work in hotels, my father organized a meeting with a hotel manager in my home city. When you are 11 you ask childish questions, but it gives you a starting point and a chance to see it being real. The next milestone was surely when I did move to Paris, I was only 18. This was a big game changer, a new country, culture, language. And realizing that the dream, the originally glamorous dream, becoming a more realistic view what is reality versus the dream. But I learned to live the difference well. Unhappiness is the difference between expectation and reality. If you are always disappointed, because it’s not like your dream you will never end up in a space where you feel good. After a few months, my mother came to see me, I was crying and was not well. She asked me to come home, but I sent her back. I was convinced I was going to make this work. I believe you don’t make good decisions when you are unhappy. So, I stayed and organized myself. I learned to live outside my comfort zone, and I grew a lot, became independent, and today have a pretty realistic view of how much effort you sometimes need to put in to be successful.
I was an Aupair at first, and then started working in a bar. It took me about 3,4 months to be integrated and more settled. I then read an article about a woman in a senior management role at B&O, I was so inspired and thought I wanted to be like her. I wanted to talk to her and called her multiple times for a month, her Assistant always blocked me. But eventually she put me through to Elizabeth. She was surprised and touched about my approach. So we met, and I ended working for her for six years. Again, I was led my intuition. And I believe in people and choosing your job by the people you want to work for. This was the same for me at Hyatt.
But coming back to milestones and turning points, Elisabeth she became my boss and mentor. So, at Bang & Olufson I did a vocational training as the start of my actual career. When she left the company, I ended up leaving as well. I then I started to work in advertising. Which I did not enjoy, it was not a dream, nor did it give me meaning. I felt I was not making the difference as I wanted to. My job was ok, but I wanted to go back to my dream – working in hotels.
I then got offered a job as Director of Communication at Relais & Chateaux. I really wanted that job. And despite my intuition of not being totally aligned with my future manager, I took the job. Unfortunately, it was not the right fit. It sounded like a good career move, but it was really a painful experience. But again, it gave me tremendous strength for my future, and I learned how to deal with the way I was treated by people. What to accept and what not. Today I have a better defense mechanism. And this was a learning from my past experience.
Another milestone was accepting the job at Hyatt was a huge pivotal moment, as I was living my dream of hotels, I loved working with my bosses, I liked the values of the company. It was 9 years of doing what I loved to do. When I left Hyatt, people did not understand it. When you leave its often because you are not happy anymore. I left a very comfortable situation in a dream job. But at the time I wanted to something more personal, more purposeful, and linked to theme of my book at the time. And in addition, maybe I did lose a bit the touch with the corporate world. I felt I wanted to have more impact and focus on my purpose.
Can you share some insights into mentors; role models; superiors with special influence
Elisabeth was a great mentor to me, as well as my boss at Hyatt. Allan Edgar. I learned a lot from him as well. I always had the chance to have mentors and sparring partners throughout my career. But Elizabeth was a key mentor and today a friend.
Coming to leadership, and especially as you spoke about making decision based on the people you want to work for, please share your views on what makes a good leader.
Authenticity, the first one for me. People can be introvert, reserved, and still be amazing leaders if they are authentic. Good leaders have a decent amount of self-awareness, and they are able to guide you, meaning good leaders can connect to the people. And this means you need to give something of yourself. For example, if you give a speech, you connect to the people intellectually, but when you give of yourself, you are authentic and show emotions, you connect with the heart. And some leaders wrongly believe that showing emotions is a weakness – I believe the opposite. It creates a link to the people not only with the mind but also with the heart. And that leads to engagement. Good leaders create trust, have empathy and know how to value all talents in the organization.
A topic that often comes up in career conversations, is the compatibility of work and family life. What are your thoughts on this and what would you would share with female career starters?
I was always very clear with myself and with my company. For example, I told my peers and managers I would not answer emails on the weekend or late in the evening. It’s like at the beginning of a relationship, we set the ground of how we work together. Especially at the start of a new job we tend to over-perform, tend to always be available. So, it’s also about learning to say no. Seeing the workload for projects and accepting that you will do them, but it could also mean that you need to let go of other things. Yet you can only do this if you are fully committed, to your job and the company, so your colleagues don’t think you are not engaged or not flexible. It’s about being true to your own limits.
Another aspect is to be clear about your career plans. I once said that I was not looking for a promotion but a lateral move. Being clear on what you want, what it means if you always move up, understanding what you will need to pay for that. I think it is important to find out what’s the comfortable level of responsibility where you can still respect the other part of your life.
What tips can you give on designing a successful professional career?
Try and find out what you want from life, and how do you want to feel. And ask why, why you want to accomplish that. What feeling of success you want to have. Once you figure that out, you can stay within that frame. And that will be that balance. And I always recommend working on your self-awareness. We misunderstand each other often, so dare to explain yourself. This is a strength and it avoids misunderstanding. And this is regardless of women or men.
For those women who tell you they want to lead, what can you advise them how to establish themselves as a leader?
Again, work on your self-awareness. Work on your ability to demonstrate empathy, connecting with people. When you see understand and accept another person, then you create a connection and create followers, committed people that stand behind you.
Whenever I had people in my team, I always wanted to ensure that they have the chance to grow. Again, its triggering that understanding of ambition.
Any other insights to share on the topic, how can we support or encourage female leadership advancement.
Generally speaking, companies need to “work on men”, or rather changing the mindset of male and female “roles”. Women are sometimes subject to positive discrimination. The need to hire, promote the woman because she is a woman. So, it’s also about men moving more towards women, and towards themes that currently are more being related to women. For example, taking time out to look after the newborn or leave the office at 5 to have dinner with the children etc. So, a change of mindset would help.
And as a woman, the clearer you are what you want, the more power you have. Always be clear, even when applying for a job, be honest about doubts, but focus on your will to learn and to do it. It shows strength if you say that you want something, even if they tell you they lack experience in some area. I am a fan of talking about discomfort and the elephant in the room. Especially important in larger teams, psychological safety. Feeling safe to ask a question, suggesting an idea, admitting a mistake or similar. And not being afraid to be mocked by the group. When someone openly admits to something they don’t know, this is a gift. So, all in all and in summary, my advice is, being who you are and honest about yourself
One last thing to elaborate what I mean, let me share a real moment of success in my life. As mentioned, I always had this “thing” with institutions and governments. And one day I was contacted by the Secretary General of OECD. I was asked to speak at a conference on my first book. I felt I was not equipped to speak in front of such elite group of experts. But the person that invited me said ..”if I invite you and I am the OECD, can you trust me. You don’t need approval from anyone, you are invited, and you are legitimate”. So, I confirmed my presence. But 2 weeks before the conference, I called again saying I was sorry of not being able to come. I could not see myself speaking in front of global experts, that they will for sure test me and I don’t want to disappoint. They insisted me to come and told me I will be fine. So, I did my presentation, and did have some tough questions, but I stayed authentic here as well. For example, in some instances I responded “that is a great question, but I don’t have the answer right now. But I will definitely take the time to look that up” I tried to stay authentic throughout. And it was a success. So, again, it is all about staying true to yourself.
Thank you Malene for sharing your truely inspiring story and how you managed to touch your dream!